Archive for BDSM

More than a vice: The fascination of bondage

What happens if you like bondage and like to photograph it? At some point you bring these two preferences together and start taking bondage photos. The backgrounds are diverse, from the fascination of making pictures and the pictures themselves to the possibility to test your own skills with rope and other bondage materials on willing and voluntary beneficiaries. Subjectively, my love of detail and my desire to experiment come together wonderfully here. And if you already have several vices, you can indulge them at the same time.

As already explained elsewhere, I see three main aspects of bondage: the sexual, the aesthetic and the athletic. The sexual aspect should not be in the foreground here, although of course it is implicitly present – also because the picture is sometimes about letting your own head cinema or that of the depicted become real outside of play and session.

For me, the weight of bondage photos clearly lies on the aesthetic aspect. The geometry of the ropes and knots, the structures of the captured limbs, the play of light and shadow are the essence of a successful picture for me. The ropes trace the contours of the body, but also create new patterns and thus tell a story – one that goes beyond the moment captured in the picture.

This is one of the reasons why Ropemarks are my own photo motif. The traces on the skin reflect the course of the ropes and the position of the knots. They recall the past bondage as well as the feelings that accompanied it, in the model as in the rigger.

Imagination

For me, an important part of a relevant photo session is to transform ideas and pictures into reality as successfully as possible, which the participants have in their minds. And even if I primarily use my own fantasies as a basis for motifs and positions on one occasion, the depicted people should get pictures that they like.

This means planning as well as improvisation during the preparation and execution of a shooting. So it can be a matter of thinking through a set and setting or a specific bondage position in advance, building it up or implementing it with little means. Planning includes things like:

  • Is a desired location accessible but not overrun by vanillas and other civilians at the time of the shooting?
  • Do I need an assistant for light, wind and fog, or to get the model quickly and safely into position and back on the ground?
  • Do I have to wait a certain time of the year or day for the lighting situation during an outdoor shooting, or can I be tricked?

Normally, however, even with optimal planning, improvisation cannot be neglected – and that is what makes the whole thing so appealing: Be it that you have to evade weather conditions or other imponderables, be it that effects or props on site don’t work the way you thought they would: Then you just do something different, and in interaction with the models you often get very interesting pictures.

Whether planned or improvised: It is often important to me that a picture also tells a story. It doesn’t have to be the same story for every viewer – but it can be more than “Ey, woman in shackles, awesome”. Due to my cultural preferences I like to be inspired by classics of the film noir or literary role models, by the “Damsel in Distress” scenarios not only Hollywoods or by the big riggers and photographers of the scene. And if the model wants to tell her own story – so much the better.

By the way: Just as Shibari has a variant of the seemingly sloppy bondage that requires considerable practice, the motifs that seem improvised to the viewer often make the greatest effort when photographing, especially when one’s own tendency towards perfectionism is in the way. Conversely, without Photoshop, extremely effective effects can often be achieved by the simplest means.

Ropes and fun with it

One part of the fascination of bondage photos is the direct preparation on the model, which combines creativity and craftsmanship just like the light construction – the bondage itself. As a rigger, I want to try out new things and implement proven methods quickly and well. At the same time I have to consider the figure and fitness of the model. Not every beneficiary brings his elbows together behind his back or can endure a hogtie for more than five minutes. In addition, during a photo shoot I usually have to tie the ropes tighter than in the game, because otherwise it looks too loose in the pictures. Here the joy of “hacking” in the original sense plays a role – finding an elegant solution to a problem.

Also relevant is the sporting aspect, in more than one respect. The demand on one’s own ability and routine is that the bondage should look good, not hurt unintentionally, but still hold and not just be a rope decoration, and: its execution should not last too long. The latter plays a role if the model is too lightly dressed for typical Central European temperatures or has to go into strenuous positions for the picture.

It is part of this that one or the other restraint or location can nevertheless represent a certain imposition for a model; it has to get involved with that. That’s why I prefer to photograph with models who are themselves interested in ropes & co. and know what to expect. Pictures make it very clear whether someone is having fun or tearing down a routine job. But if a potential beneficiary throws himself enthusiastically in the posture and even has a handful of ideas up his sleeve, I like to throw the equipment into the car for good pictures and also accept a longer journey: Have rope, will travel.

Bondage – or: on the traces of a fascination

Fascinating about being tied up or being tied up is the purity in which trust and responsibility meet. If the persons, their previous understanding and the situation are right, then an intimate intensity of an otherwise hardly reached density can develop. There are as many styles and games of bondage as there are kisses or dances. Not all fit all, but those that fit fascinate when they are well “danced”.

Bondage can provide support or peace, bring out beauty or availability; promote devotion or provide comfort. Bondage can be art or fun or both. Bondage can and should be wellness therapy.

Bondage creates sensations and can amplify emotions or give them space through a frame. Where e.g. only despair makes comfort possible, Bondage can build the bridge (slow loosening belongs also still to the session!)
Bondage is a “treatment game”, like massage or a communication exercise. There is “to do” and “to participate” and not simply: to be either active or passive. More important than what it looks like, how it feels; exceptions: Photo sessions or auto voyeurism (i.e. wanting to mirror yourself in the mirror is of course OK …).

Bondage can be quiet or shrill, cruel, garish or cozy. It can be, as always people would like to be, if they (with the help of a second) should feel better. (Exceptions: autoeroticism and exhibitionism)

Bondage needs the willingness to feel what needs to be prepared or the willingness to feel what needs to be prepared. As in every game, there are rules so that you can get involved with the exuberance you desire to enjoy without being harmed or wreaked havoc.

How sexual is bondage?

  • Bondage can be hypersexual, mega sexy or ultra erotic.
  • In any case, bondage decelerates, “stretches” the time and stretches the pleasure.
  • So nothing for hectic quick squirts and their funny fuck mice. Bondage creates an exhilarating presence of erotic availabilities.
  • Bondage can create situations that are immediate experiential spaces of our fantasies and make them “more present than reality”. Bondage can be for pleasure what an oratory can be for edification. Bondage can turn fucking into what an oratorio makes harmony into, namely kitsch.
  • Bondage can also be a condition of the possibility of a mega fuck. Only the word “foreplay” could then ruin everything!
  • Bondage is head sex made with hand and rope. Skilful, bondage is “brain fuck” pure. Pure pleasure time.
  • Bondage can create the themes of such passionate genus marrots of homo sapiens such as election, submission and pairing an almost hyperreal experience.
  • Bondage stretches time and creates space, thus embodying the possibility of an answer to the “directness dilemma” of the sexes: to have a few metres of rope applied can give “her” the time she needs without “he” turning off in the meantime. And by “applying” a few meters of rope to “her”, he can savor her without fiddling with her desire. (As far as that’s the problem, bondage is a great “solution”; in other constellations bondage just has other effects.)
  • Bondage can create “erotic space-time” for everything that collapses in orgasm. If the orgasm is the “big bang,” then bondage is one of its possible evolutions and can thus be a condition of the possibility of its depth. (And good conditions of their possibility needs the depth of our orgasms. Only flat it comes by itself).
  • If the orgasm is a “petit mort”, then bondage means to zzelebrieren the rushing life before it in slow motion.
  • Bondage is more of a medium than a mere variation. A medium of intimacy. And the question of how sexual bondage can be shifts to the question of how sexual the desired intimacy should be.
  • The spectrum ranges from mummification fetishists to splinter nude fetishists.

The inevitable midfield moves somewhere between kimono (alternatively bathrobe) and lingerie. Pragmatically important here is to choose any clothing in such a way that it can be plucked from underneath the most unusual bondage lacing where it is to be done.

The word “can” appears 23 times so far. That is a lot and also says something: The answer to the question what bondage is is always what bondage can be.

In general, bondage is a possibility for intimate edification. The concrete constructions depend on how the people who think about them are knitted, on what they would like to have.

For people who know which emotions they want to experience, bondage is then a medium to intensify their experience, depending on how bondage suits these emotions and whether they can reasonably do what they are doing. So there is something to find out about bondage and what to learn and a lot to try and a lot to practice; if you want it to feel like it promises to feel when you look at the pictures when you “make” them.

Fantasies of romantic robbery could be distinguished from tender restraint and these again from cruel vulgarities or consuming despair. How genital may it be, how coarse should it be; so and so similar are the questions on whose answers depends which registers should be pulled during bondage; and what should be learned and practiced for this purpose. There is tango and there is waltz and everything in between. And everything wants to be reasonably skilful so that it doesn’t fall into disrepute. But practicing bondage is more fun than dancing lessons.

Japan and us

As with everything that goes more stylishly beautiful, Japan is the style-forming and leading country in bondage. After decades of the wildest winding of Californian chaos knots* (self-criticism: messy rope-work), Western bondage enthusiasts finally discovered in the bizarre shimmer of the Japanese fetish universes the centuries-old traditions of donating magical torture and pleasurable delights with ingenious rope guides. For centuries, the warlike and authoritarian uses of these skills stood in the way of any outrageous erotic occupation. What a shame!

Millions of Western Japan enthusiasts preferred to bang karate, serve tea or bend paper flowers after models from the Land of the Rising Sun, rather than once examine the everyday Japanese “violent pornography” with all the seriousness offered by lust for horniness and opportunities for staging. For about ten years now, the images of Japanese bondage eroticism have been widely available in magazines, films, and of course via the Internet in the West. Since then Californian knots have also been sitting better and more where they belong (on the “clit”, for example) and since then Western bondage enthusiasts have been following the rope guides of Japanese grandmasters as well as Japanese marketing people follow Western car model series.
Purists all over the world compete for the suppleness of their hemp ropes and simmer them for days on end in mink oil according to Japanese recipes to the annoyance of other roommates while the rope despisers among the SM people blaspheme about the picardliness, diligence and space requirements of the bondage enthusiasts at our parties.

Is Bondage SM?

Some people delimit bondage against SM and say e.g. they stand on shackles, but not on SM. It’s true that everyone should only do what he or she really appreciates and by no means should any complete packages à la “SM means that and that” be imposed on anyone. But the basic element of lust structure in bondage and SM is the same: our erotic feeling is enthusiastic about the characteristics and symbols of “object relationships”, to use a critic’s word, or, to put it less dramatically: in bondage as in SM, a difference in power (American power-exchange) is the object of lust pleasure.

The difference in power so effective in pleasure can manifest itself in pain, exertion, restrictions or humiliations; it may appear refined, harassing or raving; only what manifests itself there and what condenses intimacy is a difference in power, its “imbalance” and not a balance; the staging of an “asymmetrical” relationship.

Per se this is neither bad nor otherwise evaluable; it is simply a fact of homo sapiens, just as its climate is a fact of every region. The crux of the matter is the extent to which people succeed in creating games that suit their lust without imposing anything on them that they don’t want. But more about that later.

But another epilogue: What is power anyway? A word to describe encounters of our trust with our sense of responsibility, but which is also used to refer to abuse, incapacity and our healthy fear of it. What a pity, the language critic says.

BDSM in the Relationship

Especially couples who try to live their tendency 24/7 quickly reach their limits in their love relationship. What Sub does in the so-called session context may all too quickly be lifted to an everyday level by her cathedral – and vice versa. This either leads to frustration in everyday life, or sexuality is only lived cautiously – until sexual frustration returns.

Psychological counselling for couples with a BDSM relationship background

Through numerous interviews with couples, whose play relationship has ultimately become a couple relationship, I have been able to discover that apart from trust issues, excessive demands and different desires, one problem issue dominates: caution. Working with these couples, I found that those who love begin to question what they have passionately lived before. Some people learn to grow through this psychic blockade, others despair of the resulting vicious circle.

Since BDSM is a sexual variation that is consciously integrated into everyday life in some couple relationships, the boundaries soon blur. One argument follows the next – and in the end the discussion ends again with the sexuality lived by the couple. The resulting frustration can not only be gruelling from a sexual point of view, but can also push many a couple to the brink of despair: Both want the same thing – or only almost?

Frustration instead of pleasure

Hardly any other sexual game turns deep lust into deadlocked frustration as quickly as BDSM. If the relationship begins to suffer as a result, it would be destructive to make lazy compromises. Psychological counselling for couples can also help you to recognize exactly where the problems in the partnership and sexuality actually lie – and what possible solutions could look like.

Find your way back to a lustful, liberated sexuality in which you as a couple can enjoy your inclination together.
Psychological sexual counselling for individuals in the field of BDSM

My offer is not exclusively aimed at couples. Of course, you can also make an appointment for a psychological single-sex consultation. This can be helpful for the following topics, for example.

  • If you feel that you cannot share your inclination with your partner.
  • If you are not clear whether and how you want to put your fantasies into practice.
  • If you have no real experience with the topic BDSM and the many offers and advices, which are to be found in the Internet, confuse you.
  • If you cannot cope alone with a stressful experience in the area of BDSM – the so-called “crash”.
  • If your inclination grows beyond your head and you are worried that you will no longer be able to control it.
  • If the desire to fulfill your fantasies repeatedly tempts you to side-jump and you then struggle with inner reproaches.

BDSM: Curse or blessing?

According to insiders, between 500,000 and eight million people in Germany are interested in BDSM practices. The abbreviation stands for “Bondage & Dis”: Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission and Sadism & Masochism and thus extends the previous general term SM for sadomasochism. The widespread reading of books such as “Shades of Grey” is likely to have contributed a great deal to the great popularity.

The “real” BDSMers smile at what well-behaved couples have done to each other since then with the help of blindfolds and scarves during love play. Because the practices of the BDSM range from this playful bondage, biting, spanking ass and eyes connect far up to painful punishments, the total restrictions of mobility and psychological humiliation – more here and in the ORION fetish blog.

  1. In the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10) this preference still falls under the heading of sexual preference disorders. But is it still possible to speak of a disorder at all with such a prevalence?
  2. On the contrary, according to a study by Nyenrode University, people with this preference appear to be mentally healthier than others. More about this below.

The disease “sadomasochism

First of all, the question of what exactly a disturbance of sexual preference means: This is understood as the sexual urge for an unusual sexual object or an unusual sexual stimulation, such as fetishism, transvestism, voyeurism, but also pedophilia.

And sexual sadomasochism. In the ICD-10, under F65.5, the following explanation can be found: “Sexual activities with pain, humiliation or bondage are preferred. If the affected person suffers this type of stimulation, it is masochism; if it is inflicted on someone else, it is sadism. Often the person concerned experiences sexual arousal during both masochistic and sadistic activities. “* Hm, eight million people with a preference disorder? Or eight million people who are quite normal if we just change the definition?

Sadomasochism is not an invention of our time either. We only have to look at the cruelties in the old paintings and illustrations of the late Middle Ages. Nobody can tell me that the viewer wasn’t interested in the pleasure of pain even then. By the way, these pictures can still be found in the literature of the BDSM today.

An early cataloguing that is still in people’s minds today

What is “unusual sexual stimulation” today? In the early days of sexual science at the end of the 19th century, the German psychiatrist von Krafft-Ebing catalogued all sexual practices that were considered deviant and perverse in his day. And in the prudish days of the bourgeoisie, just about everything fell into this category, apart from the marital missionary position. Some of the practices today have been rehabilitated – such as masturbation and homosexuality – while others are far from rehabilitated – such as sadomasochism.

For some time now, there have been calls to remove the symptoms sadism and masochism from the ICD-10. Today it is generally assumed that a disorder is only a disorder if the person affected has a problem with it or injures others with his or her actions. But the stigma of classification remains and often leads to a problem itself. “It is written there that my actions are ill. Then I am probably that too” is one of those beliefs. BDSM, Sadism and Masochism are also very popular topics in virtual reality sex movies and normal porn.

Everything quite normal? Everything quite normal!

In 2013, a study by Nyenrode University in the Netherlands was published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. 1336 people with and without a tendency towards BDSM were asked about their character traits, their general well-being, how they deal with rejection and their relationship behaviour.

Conclusion

Contrary to previous opinion, BDSM supporters are psychologically healthier than flower sex supporters. They are “less neurotic, more open, more sensitive to rejection and have more stable relationships “*. Yoo-hoo, finally land in sight? The desire for power and submission is often associated with traumatic experiences. This may well be a trigger, but it also applies to many other people.

One explanation for this unexpected result could actually be that BDSMers are more open abo

ut their sexual desires. They communicate about it and live it out in one way or another. This is more than some others or others can say about themselves. The eternal non-disclosure of what one wants leads in the long run to sexual frustration and inner bending. And sometimes also violent discharges.

Almost everyone has a bit of BDSM in them

Fascination for playing with pain and submission: An interview with a real Dom. In “Grey“, the new novel by E.L. James, “50 Shades of Grey” is told from Christian’s point of view. On news.at a real dom speaks about the fascination of playing with pain and submission. Gentledom (note: he wants to remain anonymous) is a lawyer and 37 years old.

You are a dom and practice BDSM. What does that mean?

BDSM is all about living out your desire for submission, pleasure pain and/or fixation. Dom stands for the person who takes over the dominant part. The game with power excites me myself.

SM, the game with pain, is a maximum means to an end for me and with the art of knots I never really got warm.

How do you explain the hype around the “50 Shades of Grey” books?

I haven’t read the books, but I’m not, like many in the BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism) scene, negative about them. They are entertainment novels that have a good plot in the first place: A woman saves a strong man – that appeals to women in particular. I find the clichés that appear in it negative and that the press likes to compare me with Mr. Grey, in whom I can’t find myself. In contrast to him, I had a very loving and sheltered childhood in middle-class circumstances – and I have neither a compulsion to control nor unhealthy fears of loss.

Did the novels contribute anything to the BDSM education?

Yes, it has come out of the corner of filth. According to a survey by cultural scientist Corinna Rückert, 81 percent of women have subjugation fantasies.

I think there’s a little BDSM guy in almost every one of them, but I also count shallow forms like bondage sex, holding on, popoclaps etc. as BDSM. Some will not be able to do anything with it, for others it will be a small taboo break every now and then that kicks them, and still others will dive deeper into the matter.

  • The basic idea is the Enlightenment.
  • Every area of the site serves this purpose, the erotic stories as well as the community in which members can turn to godparents for help if they need someone to help them with their first steps or even acute problems.
  • Since 2014, we have also set up a separate section with a partner search.
  • We currently have around 15,000 page visits per day.

What is the biggest problem for people who discover BDSM inclination ?

The most difficult thing is always the outing in front of yourself. When you are in a partnership, it is also difficult for many people to entrust themselves to the same partner. Communicating with each other is therefore the most important thing. But you should not attack your partner with your wishes, but try to find out if he is ready to try something new.

How long have you been active in the BDSM scene?

At the age of 22, someone saw the dom in me at a time when I was just about to discover my “normal” sexuality. But I wasn’t active as Dom for the last 15 years, had a break of 1.5 years when I lived in a monogamous relationship in which BDSM didn’t play a role.

What is the most important thing for you personally at BDSM?

Fun! For me, BDSM can be more than just fun, but would it be lacking in this where would the joy remain? Conventions that are otherwise valid are no longer there, it is an extatic, animalistic and common dance.