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Where does the pleasure of licking butt come from?

Licking has long been a topic on which opinions differ. Some people like to lick and let themselves be licked, others like to be licked, but don’t even want to do that with their partner. Still others cannot do anything with the topic licking at all.

That concerns both the licking of a pussy, and all the more the so-called Rimming, thus the licking of the rosette. While some people are afraid to stick their tongue into someone else’s buttocks, there has been a trend for some time now that more and more people are discovering rimming for themselves.

If you know enough about rimming, you will quickly understand. What makes it so interesting and what is the best way to do it, we have put together here in a small guide.

What happens during rimming?

We have noticed that there are still people who don’t even know the term rimming. Rimming, also called anilingus or simply anus or ass licking, is the stimulation of the anus with the tongue or also with the lips.

In a person whose anus is licked, it often triggers very stimulating feelings. Because the buttocks are one of the most important erogenous zones of a human being and there are numerous nerve tracts and nerve endings here, one reacts particularly sensitively to touches of any kind on the buttocks and can be very easily sexually aroused here.

It is not for nothing that there are so many sex toys that are introduced into the buttocks, and it is no coincidence that many people love it when they get one or more fingers stuck in their buttocks before or during sexual intercourse.

This is also how rimming works. When you feel another person’s tongue or lips on or in their buttocks, you quickly feel a desire for more and enjoy that special feeling to the full.

Why Rimming is super for both partners

For a long time, rimming was regarded more as a sexual practice that was mainly for gays. This assessment, however, is completely wrong. Rimming is in no way limited to any group of people.

It can be practiced by heterosexuals, homosexuals and bisexuals as well as men and women. You can live it out as a couple or with several people during group sex. Since rimming can therefore be done by everyone, it is not surprising that rimming is so widespread.

Rimming can not only be extremely antörnend for a receiving partner, but also for the partner, who licks, much joy make. The reasons are often different.

Many find someone else’s bottom beautiful and find it very pleasurable to look at. This is why they touch the bottom particularly often during sex or foreplay, be it with their hands or mouth or tongue.

Others do not necessarily achieve their own sense of pleasure during rimming, but they still like to lick their partner’s buttocks to make them happy and because they enjoy the sight when he or she is sexually aroused and the accompanying moaning of their partner.

Rimming should be prepared a bit

As beautiful as the rimming can be, it also harbours a few risks. Through the direct contact of the tongue with an opening in the body, germs and pathogens can be transmitted.

Therefore it is important to pay attention to a sufficient hygiene before and during the tongue play. The receiving partner should therefore clean his buttocks very well. An anal rinse or an enema is particularly suitable for this.

The licking partner should also clean his mouth and tongue well after the rimming. Thus he does not keep unwanted bacteria in the mouth and on the tongue. This is also very important if you want to lick a woman’s vagina or clitoris after the rimming so that no anal germs get into the woman’s vagina.

Rimming offers countless possibilities

If you pay attention to the necessary hygiene, you can already start with the exciting ass licking. Rimming can be used wonderfully as an independent sexual practice, but it can also be combined with all imaginable sexual varieties.

So you can follow the whole thing with a prostate massage to make the anal pleasure even better. It can be used as foreplay, which can be followed by an ass fuck or sex in any position, for example.

Suitable positions for the rimming are the doggy position, which allows an easy penetration of the tongue, or the so-called facesitting, in which the receiving partner sits on the face of the licker.

It is a matter of taste how far the tongue penetrates the buttocks of the other person. Some people only lick the buttocks from the outside without touching them with their hands, others push the buttocks apart with their hands and can then penetrate further into the anus.

  • It is also up to each one to decide whether to leave it at gentle kissing and licking of the anus or to nibble a little with his teeth, although the necessary caution is required to avoid causing pain or even injury.
  • The special kick one can give his treasure with the ass licking, if one puts beside mouth and tongue also a finger or a certain Sextoy at the same time in the bottom, for example an anal chain.
  • Conclusion: Rimming is a pleasure that no one should miss. Even those who don’t like someone else’s bottom should give it a try and try it at least once.

At the bottom, all people are particularly sensitive, which makes the rimming particularly exciting. In addition, all people can do it, because every person has a bottom, which is spoiled with pleasure.

Rimming 101: Everything You Need to Know

What is it ?

What is this actually, the so-called Rimming? You often hear it in connection with pornography, which is about anal sex, which is known to consist of much more than just an ass fuck. Put soberly, rimming is the stimulation of the anus of the partner with the tongue. With the tongue anal the sentence: “Fuck my ass” gets a completely new meaning … This ass licking as a sexual practice is a combination of anal sex and oral sex. It’s by no means just about licking the rosette, licking the butt hole. No, when licking buttocks the whole buttocks can be included, from the buttocks to the perineum. And the tongue anal sex may even go quite far, namely up to a real anal tongue fuck, in which one does not only lick butthole with the tongue, but really penetrates into the anus. So it’s no wonder that the origin of the word rimming isn’t quite clear – it could come from “rim” in English, but also from “to ream”, so extend … Somewhat more technical than the other terms, rosette lick, poloch lick, ass lick or anus lick is, by the way, the term Anilingus. This comes from the Latin, where anus means anus and lingere lick.

Popular techniques

With anilingus or rimming, anything that is fun is allowed. It is best to find out for yourself how to approach the rosette with your tongue – or into it – and in which position this happens. A very popular sex position is to sit on the partner’s face leaning back a little, just like with clitoral or vaginal face sitting, except that the rosette is stimulated with the tongue. At least for the beginning, however, a completely different sex position is probably much more pleasant and comfortable, namely the so-called doggy position on all fours. Do you remember? Also the anal intercourse is often done in Doggy Style. It is also sufficient if the receiving partner simply lies on his stomach. However, it is very practical to place a pillow under his abdomen so that his buttocks rise slightly and it is easier to penetrate the poker leg with your tongue. Just try out the position in which you can best reach your partner’s buttocks and especially his anus with your tongue. There are no limits to your imagination.

Closely related to the Anilingus is by the way the so-called “ATM” or also A2M. This is a sexual practice whose term is fully written out as ass to mouth; translated: from ass to mouth. A partner is first fucked from behind, and then the erect limb is immediately pushed into his mouth. You experience an indirect anilingus, so to speak; only with the difference that you get to taste your own butt hole. A variation of the Rimming is also the so-called anal Felching. This is what it is called when one partner licks the other’s buttocks after anal intercourse and licks up one’s own seed, which slowly drips out again.

  • In the context of group sex, a fast threesome for example, it can of course also be the sperm of another man, for example a woman from the ass crack of another licks.
  • Felching exists in the vaginal and anal forms.
  • In any case, tongue anal is a sexual practice, which provides for fantastic feelings of lust and as foreplay for anal intercourse just as suitable as afterplay or simply as a part of a passionate night, in which there are many other sex games.
  • Not only the man should limit himself to practising anilingus; it is also a nice experience for women when they see how exciting their partner finds it when they lick his butt hole or maybe even let a little tongue fuck take place anal.

Tips & Tricks

– foreplay

With anilingus, thorough anal hygiene is even more important than with most other forms of anal sex. It goes without saying that you clean your buttocks thoroughly beforehand. In case of doubt, it is also advisable to carry out an intestinal flush so that the anus is clean further inside, especially if a tongue fuck is planned anal. We will also discuss anal hygiene in a special chapter on its own. For some anal sex lovers, the fact that such cleansing does not take place is what makes rimming so attractive.

Anyone who attaches importance to safe sex and wants to reduce the risk of infection will fall back on so-called leak tissues for the tongue canal; a kind of very thin transparent film which is pushed in front of the area you want to lick – in this case the anus – and which provides a similar effect to condoms; they protect against germs penetrating from the anus into the mouth. These “oral condoms” are also called dental dams. They are often made of latex. If you like, you can also order such a lick cloth with a certain taste, similar to condoms with certain fragrances and in certain flavours.

– Communication

Communication is the be-all and end-all for good sex, and rimming is no different. Although almost all people find licking the butt hole, including tongue fucking, extremely pleasant and exciting, many people are ashamed because it is simply about the “ass”, which is considered unclean. As long as someone has the necessary inhibitions, but is basically ready for anilingus, it can be advisable to talk openly about anal hygiene and devote yourself to it together, perhaps as a kind of foreplay. In other cases, if your partner is massively resisting anything that smells like anal sex, you can also try to lick him with a butt hole and surprise him if a good opportunity arises.

The excitement that triggers the rimming is the best argument for it! But of course you have to stop immediately if your partner doesn’t want it at all.

– Recommendations

The anilingus has not only a pleasant side, but also a somewhat less pleasant side; even if it is a possibly very tingling form of unpleasantness. In the context of a BDSM education the anilingus can also be used as a “forced” ass licking (whereby in the context of sadomaso sex everything ultimately happens amicably) as a punishment.

And for a so-called toilet slave, who is responsible for cleaning the mistress after her excretions with the tongue, the tongue channel is anyway part of his regular obligations as cleaning with erotic undertone. Perhaps you would like to try it out sometime?

 

Licking buttocks: Is this anal sex going too far?

A taboo subject? No! We talk about it. We talk about it. Anilingus, rimming, tongue anal or just licking buttocks. This anal practice (correctly read) is about licking the ass, or more precisely the anus of the other, with the tongue. Whether simply disgusting and wacky, or erotic, is probably in the truest sense of the word a matter of taste and anything but a must!

Why just at the bottom?

The anal region is occupied with numerous nerve endings and belongs to the erogenous zones. Besides kissing, it is one of the few sexual practices that is independent of sex. For those who lick each other’s buttocks, the whole thing has a certain charm or erotic kick.

What is the best position to take?

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  • Everything very easy with EasyControl!
  • Facesitting: As the name suggests, the person who is licked squats over the head of the licker.
  • In principle, however, any position is suitable in which the anus can be reached easily.

And what about hygiene? Well, if the anus isn’t washed, it’s not exactly appetizing for the licker, and can also have health consequences. The cleanest action is when the anus is not only cleaned externally, but also internally with an intestinal flush. This is the least risk of infection. In addition or as an alternative the leak cloth – technical term: rubber dam – can also be used, which is actually sold for licking the vagina.

Only lick the bottom hole?

No, when licking the buttocks, the entire buttocks can be included, from the buttocks to the perineum. And the tongue anal sex may even go quite far. Namely up to a real anal “tongue fuck”, where you don’t just lick your buttocks with your tongue, but penetrate right into your ass. Well, enough of the good.

Anyway, you’ve heard it now and know what it’s all about when you hear about Rimming or Anilingus. Still: Certainly not as horny as it sounds.

Anal tongue games for HER & HIM

Anilingus (also known as: Rimming, rimjob, analingus, anal kiss, Algiers French or anal licking) is the erotic penetration of the anus with the tongue. This oral sexual practice differs from the blow job or cunnilingus – in this variation both partners have equal rights and experience very similar stimulation.

Whether heterosexual or homosexual, stimulation of the pleasure organ enriches the love life. A high degree of trust in your partner is essential for rimming. In today’s article we give tips on hygiene, the right licking techniques and exciting positions that make anilingus an exciting experience. Break with us a small taboo and let yourself in on new erotic realms!

Anilingus: Taboo topic or exciting insider tip?

Blow Job and Cunnilingus were long regarded as taboo topics that people didn’t talk about. Today it belongs in almost every respect to a fulfilling sex life – these sexual practices have become socially acceptable. Anal intercourse is also becoming increasingly popular and is becoming the focus of many couples. The sensitive anus is an erogenous zone where countless nerve endings come together. Both women and men therefore enjoy an exciting stimulation. But what about anilingus – a sexual practice that is wonderfully suitable as a prelude to anal intercourse?

For couples who practice Anilingus, the practice is an absolute insider tip. A high degree of mutual trust and hygiene is important. This sex practice is not for anal beginners, but an exciting extension of anal intercourse for advanced learners. Anilingus makes the anal foreplay humid and stimulates the desire. Real tongue artists can even lick your partner to orgasm. Also the Anilingus in the society so far only little Zuspruch experiences and a certain Tabubruch with itself brings, is for some pairs an exciting play. It is therefore also suitable as a wonderful addition to the erotic role play and is also used in the BDSM and fetish area.

Anilingus requires hygiene and trust

The anus belongs to one of the most intimate but also most erogenous zones of the body. A high level of trust in your partner is essential for anilingus. Not only does one reveal a sensitive body zone; bacteria and diseases can also be transmitted. Hygiene has the highest priority with Anilingus. The anus should always be well cleaned before erotic anal games. In order to have an open discussion with your partner about risks and communicable diseases such as hepatitis A, HIV and various fungal diseases, you should not avoid anilingus. Even if it is difficult in the heat of battle, the partner should not switch between anus and vagina. Intestinal bacteria in the vagina can cause cystitis. In contrast to anal sex, a condom offers no protection during anilingus.

However, there are so-called “dental dams”, also called leak tissues, which are normally used to prevent cunnilingus. Partners who start with anilingus and who initially have to overcome licking each other’s anus, or people who know each other less well, resort to this form of contraception.

Anilingus postures and leakage techniques

With Anilingus it never gets boring. Different positions and leakage techniques keep the tension in this sex practice. The following tips are suitable for the beginning, but there are no limits to creativity:

  • Supine position: The supine position is the most relaxed position in which anilingus can be enjoyed. The legs are angled and a pillow placed under the buttocks so that the buttocks are slightly higher. The other partner lies on his stomach, the head lies between the legs of the receiving partner. Now he slowly starts to lick the anus.
  • Puppy position: The puppy position is perfect when anilingus is used as foreplay before anal sex. The partner kneels for the anilingus behind the receiving partner and, when the anus is relaxed and both partners are ready, can slowly enter anal sex.
  • 69 position: In 69 position, couples experience double penetration. With their legs tightened, both enjoy anal stimulation at the same time.

Once a suitable position has been found, the correct leakage technique is applied. First you start by slowly letting the tongue circle around the anus. The more intense the anilingus becomes, the more varied the leakage technique must be. Clockwise or counterclockwise, along the pores, with the tongue tense or relaxed – anything you like is allowed. If you like, you can penetrate the anus with the tip of your tongue a few centimetres. But those who believe that they have found the perfect leak technique to give their partner an exciting stimulation or even a climax, are far from it!

Due to the many nerve endings that come together at the anus, the partner feels touching the anus differently almost every day. Anilingus always requires new involvement – it is and remains a constant rediscovery of the partner and therefore makes this sex technique so exciting and varied.

Anilingus: The Fun of Rimjob

Rimjob is becoming more and more popular. In fact, the tender licking of the anus can be very exciting. Especially for men, a completely new pleasure often opens up. But there are some things to consider when doing a rim job. The prejudice of the dirty bottom is strongly exaggerated. However, you shouldn’t be hesitant to get away with it.

Everything that has to do with the backside divides the minds. Some find everything that has to do with the ass disgusting and want to have nothing to do with it, others practice with passion the anal stimulation. Be it anal sex, the finger in the bottom or even the rimjob or anilingus as it is called in the technical language. To all those who have so far resisted anal penetration: You should never judge something you haven’t tried at least once. Maybe you will like it.

What is fun about Rimjob?

There is a good reason why more and more people (men and women) enjoy anal sex. With men, the matter is as clear as daylight anyway. The prostate is located directly at the entrance of the anus, one of the erogenous zones of the man. Their stimulation increases the excitement. It goes without saying that men also like to spoil themselves with their tongue. Especially exciting is the wandering of the tongue during a blowjob.

Many excitable zones are very close to each other. So you can start with a blowjob and in the course of the stimulation you can go further and further down to the anus.

But what do women find in a Rimjob?

The back door is also full of nerve endings in women. Although they do not feel the same satisfaction as men because they lack the prostate, the nerves are perfectly sufficient for stimulation. It can be particularly stimulating for a woman to have her clitoris massaged during the rim job. Then it can even come to an anal orgasm. Surely the pleasure of a rim job also has something to do with dominance. After all, your partner crosses a border for you that is still regarded as a small taboo break.

This is what you should keep in mind when doing a rimjob

Despite the fun one can have in the anal practice, some things should be considered nevertheless. Because of course the anus is first and foremost the exit of the intestine. And of course there are more faecal bacteria to be found. These can cause severe poisoning in humans if they are taken orally. However, if the buttocks are washed properly, there is no danger. In the porn industry, enemas are often used as well. However, this is only an additional safeguard for the production companies and is not required for private anal intercourse.

The reason for this is simple. Faeces are much further back in the intestine and are not – as is often wrongly assumed – directly behind the entrance. That is why there is no danger of infection during anal licking.

  • However, a rim job should of course not take place directly after going to the toilet.
  • Another thing actually only concerns an aesthetic thing. Whether women want to hear it or not, they also have hair on their ass.
  • If you want to indulge in a Rimjob regularly, you should perhaps think about a waxing. Of course, this also applies to the lords of creation. Very hard minds even let their anus bleach.

(Almost) every man starts “bi”!

During the thinning of gay contact forums such as www.gaydar.co.uk for details of sexual medical interest, I noticed that especially very young men indicate their sexual orientation as “bi”. The older ones, that is to say the men from 25 or 30, already stand by their homosexuality, the “bisexuals” among them have become much rarer. Such an observation naturally has its background. I have thought about it.

A little “Bi” never hurts!

It often takes a very long time for a young man to admit his own homosexuality. It takes a certain maturity to face the facts honestly, self-deception (Freud: paranoid mechanism) is a widespread phenomenon, not only in relation to sexual orientation. Because “cannot be what must not be!

  • Sexual medicine speaks of the level of self-definition that has to be achieved. As we know, by far not all gay men get there. I experience men in my practice who have had sex with men all their lives, but who still call themselves heterosexual.
  • The level of self-definition is very unreliable when it comes to diagnosing sexual orientation. To the mere question of which sexual orientation one belongs to, one gets all sorts of answers, but not the truth. “Questions” are seen as a feature unsuitable for scientific research.
  • The level of self-definition means the recognition of one’s own lived reality. Recognition is followed by admission to oneself. Once again, this is a big step that is often never taken. Although it would be of utmost importance for one’s own happiness.

Only when one recognizes one’s own preferences can one follow them. The key to happiness is not self-love, but self-acceptance. How can other people accept you if you deny yourself? Apparently it is easier to call yourself “bi” than gay. Being “bi” is chic, being gay is considered perverse. This common opinion is the background for the many bisexual men in the time of the unstable youth. One still leaves a little door open, in one direction or the other …and it is also chic to be a bit “bi”.

The catch is, bisexuality does not describe a sexual orientation, but a sexual practice.

Bisexuality is not describing sexual orientation

“Sexual orientation describes an orientation towards the preferred sex. It takes place in daydreams and sexual fantasies!

In concrete terms, this means that a gay man remains “gay” even if he sleeps with women. Sexual practice does not change sexual orientation.

As an extreme example, gay men can be considered who sleep exclusively with women throughout their lives, yet they are and remain homosexual, because they sleep with women, but feel sexually attracted to men.

So we differentiate between sexual orientation, which describes the true, but often not at all lived sexual preference, and sexual practice, which does not have to coincide with orientation. Considering that about 60% of gay men in Austria live in heterosexual relationships, it can be seen that the level of sexual practice is not suitable for judging sexual orientation.

A man who sleeps with men does not have to be gay, he perhaps does so in the absence of women? For example, on the high seas or in prisons…?

A man who sleeps with women does not have to be straight, he does this perhaps for social reasons, out of longing for children and family or even just out of camouflage of his homosexuality.

Bisexuality is not a sexual orientation, but a sexual practice. This often has nothing to do with each other…!

The homoheterosexual continuum

Take a DIN A4 note and draw a horizontal line across the entire width. At the left end write “Woman” at the right end “Man”. And now draw on this line where you yourself would classify your desire for man or woman….Who are you closer to, the woman or the man?

  • It very rarely happens that a man claims to have the same fun in bed with both sexes, such a man is called “ambiusexual” in sexual medicine. The curve would then look like this:
  • Incidentally, such claims usually do not stand up to scrutiny. Men who describe themselves as ambisexual are then mostly homosexual.
  • This line between “woman” and “man” is called the “homoheterosexual continuum”. It describes the smooth transition from heterosexuality to homosexuality.
  • The basic rule is: sexual practice will correspond more and more to the preferred sex with increasing age, regardless of the sexual orientation in which the man sees himself as at home.
  • Genuinely “bisexual” men are called “ambisexual” in sexual medicine. But according to serious research they are so rare that they hardly exist at all.

The result of my research

Laymen confuse bisexuality with ambisexuality. I maintain this incorrect nomenclature in order not to create even more confusion.

There is no doubt that the frequency of self-defined bisexuality does not correspond to reality. Serious research has shown that sexual orientation in this form, equally aimed at men and women, is an extreme rarity, so rare that it can be neglected.

Laymen confuse sexual orientation with sexual practice. They believe that they are heterosexual if they have slept with a woman and that they are homosexual if they have had sex with a man, although the sexual practice does not have to agree with the orientation. But because the word “homosexual” has a negative connotation, they prefer to call themselves “bisexual”.

“Bisexuality” is a paraphrase for the homosexuality of those men who do not want to be homosexual and have already had sexual contact with at least one woman. The men who call themselves “bisexual” do this in order to make their homosexuality easier to tolerate. Mainly for themselves.

Bisexual men are better lovers, fathers and partners

For many women it is a taboo. But a relationship with a bisexual man can have unexpected advantages. Thanks to years of hard work by LGBT activists, today more people than ever dare to come out as bi- or homosexuals. Instead of a sharp black-and-white picture of only two gender identities, there are many shades of grey today.

A recent study confirmed that 43 percent of 18 to 24-year-olds do not define themselves as homosexual or heterosexual, and according to another study, there are no heterosexual women at all, only bi- and homosexuals.

Two thirds do not want a bisexual man

These data show the image of a now very open society, at least among young people. Nevertheless, dating a bisexual man remains a taboo for many women. Even the American model Amber Rose, who publicly advocates an open approach to sex, explained during a question and answer session on Facebook that she would not feel comfortable having a relationship with a bisexual man.

“I don’t condemn anyone, but personally I can’t imagine it. I don’t know why.” A study of the American edition of Glamour magazine also found that two-thirds of all women would not want to date a man “who had sex with another man”.

Bisexual men are better lovers and more loving partners

But anyone who declares bisexuality to be a knockout criterion is turning a blind eye to great partners:

  • Recent research has shown that bisexual men who are open to bisexuality are better lovers and, as the relationship develops, more loving long-term partners and fathers. Also it is mentioned that they ought to watch less porn. As a matter of fact, Bisexual Porn is not very common in the new media types like VR Porn. Popular Sites like VRPORNFREE reflect that, too.
  • Some participants in the Australian study even stated that they could not imagine ever being together with a heterosexual man again.

Dealing with one’s own masculinity

This tendency can be strongly explained by the fact that bi-men have been more concerned with their sexuality and masculinity – and this includes negative aspects such as aggression. They attach less importance to traditional gender roles.

More open to different sexual practices

Dr. Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli from Deakin University is the author of the book “Women in Relationships with Bisexual Men”. She interviewed 79 women who were together with bisexual men. “The partners of these women had to question their masculinity. Therefore, they were much more sensitive and had an interest in building an equal partnership. They were very respectful and wanted a household with equal roles.

They were also aware of the diversity of sexual needs, and therefore more open to sexual practices that do not meet heteronormative standards.” Many of these couples have explored new sexual practices together, women would have liked to experiment with polyamority and BDSM and have been encouraged to try same-sex sex themselves.

Men who are not “out” tend to aggression

But of course these experiences were not universally valid: Men who do not deal with their same-sex attraction and even suppress it tend to leave out aggression against their wives. So it is all the more important that there is a good and broad sex education in schools that also includes LGBT experiences. When women accidentally learn about their partner’s same-sex sexual needs, it is often a difficult experience for the first time. They either break up immediately, find another reason to end the relationship, or navigate through the difficult time together. Many are then faced with the decision:

“Is it worth giving up a wonderful, sensitive, loving partner who is great in bed because he also wants to sleep with men? Many then try to find a solution that includes all aspects of a person in the relationship.

 

Bisexuality: “It’s only a phase!”

Hardly any sexual orientation is taken as little seriously as bisexuality. The reason: We love pigeonhole thinking. Stop it! She already knew in kindergarten that Eva* not only likes boys but also girls. She liked Tobias. He got a wet kiss on the cheek from her as they sat together in the Lego corner. But she also liked Melanie. He wanted to give her a picture, painted with a blue crayon on a crumpled piece of clay paper.

It shows two spidery line figures with long hair holding hands. Eva never gave the picture to Melanie. “I was quite confused when only men and women were depicted as couples in our colouring books. I just didn’t understand it. Was that a law? As a girl, were you only allowed to like boys?” Not until much later, when Eva had almost finished primary school, did she talk to her mother about it. “She laughed and said that it was okay. Some girls just like girls better’ she said. And I only thought to myself: “But I also like the boys!

  • It’s hard to say how many people in Germany identify themselves as bisexual. In 2015, a study came to the conclusion that no woman is really hetero-, but at least bisexual or lesbian.
  • This assumption is based on the fact that women are more often turned on by other women; whether this also says anything about whether one could imagine a (sexual) relationship with a person of the same sex is debatable.
  • The research website YouGov has placed its trust in self-disclosure and asked 1600 people between 18 and 24 how heterosexual they consider themselves.
  • The result: just half said they were absolutely heterosexual, while 43 percent said they were somewhere between homosexuality and heterosexuality, thus affecting the bisexual realm.

Bisexuality does not fit into the grid

The history of bisexuality is a long one: Sigmund Freud already assumes in his 1930 text Das Unbehagen in der Kultur that man is basically bisexual, but that this is not permitted by civilisation. In the course of his Kinsey Report, the American sexual researcher Alfred Kinsey also put forward the thesis that at least 90 percent of the population has bisexual tendencies. In ancient times this was even the norm. “As long as the term bisexuality does not refer to an individual’s double-gender physiology, but to sexual behaviour, it was not a problem either in ancient Greece or in ancient Rome,” writes Michael Groneberg in his book Der Mann als sexuelles Wesen. “Greeks and Romans did not know the modern contrast between heterosexuality and homosexuality that the idea of bisexual behavior presupposes, and they would not have understood it at all.

Today the situation is different: the dualism of heterosexuality and homosexuality dominates. Bisexuality, this strange in-between thing, may not fit into the grid. And that’s exactly the problem. “I experience a lot of incomprehension,” says Eva. “It’s hard for many people to accept that I’m attracted to both men and women.” The saying she hears most often? This is just a phase. “That hurts me,” says Eva. “I have no phase and I am not a lesbian who has yet to become aware of her sexuality.

Why do sexual inclinations have to be fixed?

Eva is now 22 years old and is studying mathematics and sports in Stuttgart. She has had a boyfriend for half a year, before that she spent two years with a woman. “Try explaining that to your grandparents. They think I’m permanently trapped in puberty and still have to try myself.” Many bisexuals report problems like this: if you don’t want to be put in a drawer, you have a hard time. Especially strange: even in homosexual and queer communities bisexuals are not taken seriously. The queer rapper Sookee speaks of “these terrible undecided bisexuals”, the gay journalist Dan Savage writes in his column that men simply cannot be biased. This exclusion has dramatic consequences: In bisexual women the suicide risk is 5.9 times higher than in heterosexuals, in bisexual men 6.3 times higher than in heterosexuals.

“I have the impression that bisexuals are the new homosexuals. The prejudices against homosexuality that are slowly being reduced are now being transferred to bisexuality,” says Michel Dorais, a university professor in Québec who holds seminars on sexual diversity. “There are many taboos on this subject. But where is it written that sexual preferences and inclinations must be fixed or must not change? Regina Reinhart from the American Institute of Bisexuality in San Diego also wants more openness about bisexuality. “It is important that we bisexuals get recognition as well. Bisexuality is a sexual orientation.”

Bisexual women are more likely to be recognized

Bisexual men in particular regularly experience hostility. In the gay community, for example, bi-men are often not taken seriously, writes stern. They have to listen to the fact that in reality they are not gay at all, because they prefer to do it with women. “Or that they are just too cowardly to profess to be gay.” In general, female bisexuality seems to be more recognized; this is probably due to the fact that smooching women are omnipresent in pop and mainstream culture and to some extent also fulfill stereotypical male desire fantasies. Madonna’s and Britney’s kiss at the MTV Awards today, thirteen years later, would hardly make anyone itch. If we imagine the situation with two men, things would look completely different. Just think of the last album cover of the rapper Bass Sultan Hengzt, on which two men kissed. A Shitstorm of the extra class went down on him – which proves how bigoted a large part of the rap scene is. Kissing women? You can see it in every music video. Kissing men? Shitstorm incoming. “The flow of female sexuality is not threatening for many people because they see female sexuality as flexible and yielding anyway. But you can’t apply this concept of flow to a man’s hard, throbbing sexuality,” writes Monica Heisey on Vice. “Grow up!”

Eva, too, is tired of having to justify herself all the time. “It’s actually quite simple,” she says, “I don’t care if you’re a guy or a woman: if I find you horny, then I find you horny.” Or, as the author Kerstin Münder puts it: “I love people and not gender”. That’s how simple it is.

What it is like to be bisexual?

For several years now I have been dealing with my sexuality and thinking about what I actually want and only for about a year now I have been able to say it openly – I am bisexual.

I am attracted to both men and women. I find both sexes sexually attractive and I can also imagine a relationship with both – bisexual. I used to think I was heterosexual because I always found men attractive. There was never any doubt for me, so I did not question my sexuality for a long time. The fact that I don’t just like men, however, has crystallized only slowly and bit by bit over the years.

I like to draw naked women

It all started with an aesthetic interest in the female body. I enjoy drawing very much in my spare time – when I get to it. But to this day I have mainly been interested in women’s bodies as a motif. I already started to draw women passionately during my time at grammar school. I paint them in the most different aesthetic and sometimes also erotic poses – mostly rather naked. I have always found it much easier to draw women’s bodies more sensually and beautifully. At that time, however, I thought that my interest in them was limited to their aesthetic value. But it wasn’t like that.

Be her or date her?

I also often looked at women and thought that I would find them very attractive and date them “if I were a boy” – totally stupid. It’s normal to find the same sex good-looking even as a hetero, but in a neutral way. That’s probably why I never thought much of it. Admittedly, I still sometimes have problems finding out how I find a woman attractive when I see her. All a la “do I want to date her or do I want to be her? #tricky

I kissed a girl, and I liked it!

So for about two to three years now I’ve been playing with the idea: “Do I like women? It was really difficult for me to answer this question, because I didn’t know any lesbian or bisexual women at that time and only wanted to get rid of such an important question of self-discovery when I was really sure. There was no shortage of fantasies and women whom I thought “I would love to have something with”, but unfortunately there were real candidates for an “attempt”. Sometime it was then however so far.

I met a bisexual girl, went on a date with her, we kissed and – BAM! There was the confirmation I needed. I got the same tingling sensation I felt when I kissed a guy I found attractive.

Where did all the queer girls go?

There I was. 18 years old, freshly discovered bisexual and the most basic problem still unsolved – I don’t know any queer women! Thank God I found approval in my circle of friends and was able to talk about it with a friend who also identifies herself as bisexual. But since we both hardly knew any bisexual/lesbian people, it didn’t get any easier.

  • We had even planned to go to a gay bar, but suspected mainly male queer audiences and therefore let it go for now.
  • But then my homosexual friends all gave me the same tip: flirt apps. Tinder should help!
  • I actually didn’t find the idea so bad and I heard again and again from other people with different references that downloading Tinder wasn’t a waste of time.

So I went to the Google Play Store, typed this innocent word into the search ad and signed up. I chose to be interested in both women and men and the flirting started. Unfortunately, most of my matches had a penis rather than breasts. That wasn’t because I was only interested in men, on the contrary! But 30 men were followed by a woman in the ads with luck and she had to be sympathetic to me first of all – I am very choosy, for both sexes. Nevertheless I found some women I liked and clicked like. It was just stupid that I only got four matches with the women and only two of them were really looking for a conversation. As a reason for this, I was soon told that I probably look “too hetero” in my photos, whatever that means.

Well, worth a try I guess.

The question of all questions for some is determined, how did my environment react to it? Well, I can’t say for sure. I didn’t post it all of a sudden on Facebook and Co after I was sure that I identified myself with bisexuality. I didn’t address it to anyone either, it didn’t really seem necessary to me. If the subject came up in any way with friends, I said directly that I am bisexual, but otherwise I did not address it. So at the moment some people know about it and some don’t. Basically it’s not important, because that has no influence on my existing friendships – I hope. Also with my family I did not address it directly, perhaps some have a hunch, perhaps also not. As I said, it is not really important.

But whenever I get to know new people since my personal outing and this topic somehow comes up, I say quite clearly that I like both men and women. Honestly, I felt more comfortable every time I said it out loud to someone. It was as if I was finally standing to a part of myself – as kitschy as it sounds. But unfortunately the reactions of my counterparts to my revelation were not always so intoxicating.

“Did you already have “sex” with a woman?

With the women it doesn’t work so well at the moment, which is a pity, but you can’t do anything. But just because I don’t meet any women at the moment doesn’t mean that I’m “hetero again” for a while now. Within this one year, in which I have already openly said that I am bisexual, I have already heard some shit from people who probably disagree.

Once someone asked me if I already had “sex” with a woman. What are the quotes for, please? Is sex between two women not “real sex”? I am of a different opinion! Subsequently I denied and said that I had only had sex with men and not yet with women. His statement was then: “Then how can you say that you are bisexual? That is, before you had sex, you can’t know what sexuality you had? So don’t 13-year-old teenage girls, who hang six-pack photos of some celebrities in their rooms and dreamily scribble Susi Pitt into their diary, know that they maybe like guys? Maybe I am the only one who sees it that way, but in my opinion you can find out with which sex you would like to have sex even before that! But there were sometimes much more questionable statements from people.

If you are bi, you can be a slut

What I also found slightly questionable was the testimony of a guy I used to have sex with. “If I had a partner and she was having sex with a woman, it wouldn’t be as bad as if she was having sex with another guy. I’ve heard that so many times before and I still don’t understand it. In both cases you get cheated by your partner, sleep with someone else and the trust is gone – so why is one “not as bad” as the other?

But I was particularly excited by a type of Tinder who read in my profile that I am bisexual and actually thought that this was the most exciting of all my information on my profile. What does that mean? I don’t find it most interesting about other people that they are heterosexual. I rather take that as an insult.

In another conversation where my sexuality came up, my counterpart said, “Pooh, my fantasy is going to go away with me.”. To my question why, he answers: “Well then you will probably often have threesomes”. Unfortunately I have to disappoint you. I never had a threesome before and to be bisexual is also not to be equated with “has many threesomes”. That is complete nonsense.

Finally, I would like to say that bisexual people are not “too gay” for the heteros and “too hetero” for the queer community. We are perfect people who stand for themselves and are not halves of something whole. Bisexuality is an inclination, not a phase, not a myth, not a placeholder for something. I even see my sexuality as an advantage – no, not because I now have “more to choose from”. It has helped me to change my view of myself. I have developed a whole new self-confidence and feel much more comfortable in my skin. In this one year I also learned to appreciate my own body much more, because I started openly to appreciate the bodies of other women. Finding not only men but also women attractive has helped me to find myself more attractive. In general, I just feel much better how I am now and how I identify myself now. Which doesn’t mean that I wasn’t complete before my sexual revelation (haha). I am now no more or less than I was before. That’s why it annoys me when some people reduce me to my bisexuality, like Mister “That’s the most exciting thing about you”.

It’s just a sexual preference – deal with it.

Porn you can touch – Virtual Reality Porn

We live in a time that is immensely influenced by digitalization. Everything is connected with everything in some way. Telephone conferences between several continents can be held simultaneously, live recordings from space can be viewed at any time. There’s a porno in which you’re “on the spot”, it’s just child’s play.

From the couch directly to the set

Virtual Reality (short “VR”) allows you to connect directly to the virtual world. This also appears to be the most innovative way to enter a new market in the porn industry, where US analysts forecast annual sales of up to one billion US dollars by 2025. Ela Darling is one of the first VR cam girls to offer her webcam shows in 360 degrees since 2014. For customers such a show seems even more realistic, as they have the opportunity to stand directly in front of Ela Darling and thus experience a much more intense experience.

Nerds in the porn industry

Also in Germany the topic of VR Pornos is very current. Jakob Zimmerer from VR Pleasure in Regensburg presented a concept at the erotic fair “Venus” in Berlin in which he would like to supply corporate customers such as porn cinemas. He offers an all-round carefree package: the hardware is provided, it is installed and the licensed films are also made available. Zimmerer calls himself a “nerd in the erotic field”. The interest is definitely there.

Curse and blessing

Besides all the positive aspects that a virtual ego brings with it in porn, it also has its downsides. If it is difficult for a person to establish social contacts, then this person could perceive VR porn as a blessing.

However it could turn out with humans, who lose themselves fast into a kind addiction, this virtual reality as curse, since they achieve perhaps the opposite and lose even social contacts. However, couples in long-distance relationships can clearly benefit, because they could then experience their own loved ones right in front of their own noses, although they may be hundreds, if not thousands, of kilometres away.

  • It is and remains exciting in which direction the virtual realities develop and how realistic they can become even further.
  • Imagine only when hardware and software are perfectly coordinated and the masturbator and vibrator react to the VR in real time.
  • We’re still in our infancy, but it’s well known that you grow out of them quickly.