Almost everyone has a bit of BDSM in them

Fascination for playing with pain and submission: An interview with a real Dom. In “Grey“, the new novel by E.L. James, “50 Shades of Grey” is told from Christian’s point of view. On news.at a real dom speaks about the fascination of playing with pain and submission. Gentledom (note: he wants to remain anonymous) is a lawyer and 37 years old.

You are a dom and practice BDSM. What does that mean?

BDSM is all about living out your desire for submission, pleasure pain and/or fixation. Dom stands for the person who takes over the dominant part. The game with power excites me myself.

SM, the game with pain, is a maximum means to an end for me and with the art of knots I never really got warm.

How do you explain the hype around the “50 Shades of Grey” books?

I haven’t read the books, but I’m not, like many in the BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism) scene, negative about them. They are entertainment novels that have a good plot in the first place: A woman saves a strong man – that appeals to women in particular. I find the clichés that appear in it negative and that the press likes to compare me with Mr. Grey, in whom I can’t find myself. In contrast to him, I had a very loving and sheltered childhood in middle-class circumstances – and I have neither a compulsion to control nor unhealthy fears of loss.

Did the novels contribute anything to the BDSM education?

Yes, it has come out of the corner of filth. According to a survey by cultural scientist Corinna Rückert, 81 percent of women have subjugation fantasies.

I think there’s a little BDSM guy in almost every one of them, but I also count shallow forms like bondage sex, holding on, popoclaps etc. as BDSM. Some will not be able to do anything with it, for others it will be a small taboo break every now and then that kicks them, and still others will dive deeper into the matter.

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• Every area of the site serves this purpose, the erotic stories as well as the community in which members can turn to godparents for help if they need someone to help them with their first steps or even acute problems.
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What is the biggest problem for people who discover BDSM inclination ?

The most difficult thing is always the outing in front of yourself. When you are in a partnership, it is also difficult for many people to entrust themselves to the same partner. Communicating with each other is therefore the most important thing. But you should not attack your partner with your wishes, but try to find out if he is ready to try something new.

How long have you been active in the BDSM scene?

At the age of 22, someone saw the dom in me at a time when I was just about to discover my “normal” sexuality. But I wasn’t active as Dom for the last 15 years, had a break of 1.5 years when I lived in a monogamous relationship in which BDSM didn’t play a role.

What is the most important thing for you personally at BDSM?

Fun! For me, BDSM can be more than just fun, but would it be lacking in this where would the joy remain? Conventions that are otherwise valid are no longer there, it is an extatic, animalistic and common dance.