What makes a real Milf?

The other day a friend of mine, who for a few years now hasn’t got two more years left, so she’s in her thirties, told me that she had such a moment with an 18-year-old. In a bar, smoking, drinking, having conversation. He looked at her all the time so, well, fascinated and couldn’t hide a certain love-interest.

But now he didn’t hit on her directly. He was too shy for that. But he would have accepted an offer from her side immediately. Immediately. It could be that he secretly wished for nothing more than that this hot, interesting woman in her mid-30s would take him by the hand and take him home for the night. And maybe for a few more nights. First of all, you could feel that, my friend says. And secondly, the big brother of this 18-year-old told her unmistakably the next day: “He thought you were hot as a rat.

That’s a bit unusual, because the norm is rather the opposite situation:

Older boys like younger girls.
Younger girls like older boys.
And also in general: Old men have a greater attractiveness potential than old women. But somehow I still have the feeling that this 18-year-old described above is not an isolated case. There is some erotic crackling between young types and older women. And we haven’t quite understood them yet.

The simple answer on your part would be now: WTF you sexist girls, we too have the right to a counterpart to your Bill Murray longing! But is it really that simple? Can it be explained so simply? We have the feeling that something else is resonating. We think among other things of the book “The Reader”. We feel on your side a somewhat atypical longing for passivity and existence as a willing subject, an almost masochistic-erotic lust for being a braver and hesitant. At least for a while. Because that’s also interesting: I know the combination of young type and older woman more from affairs than from long-term relationships.

And then there’s the impression that such a relationship with an older woman is also a kind of accolade for you. You see: Hm! You see: It doesn’t really fit together very well for us. Or how? But how now? Enlighten, please! Dear girls, it’s good that you ask. The subject is actually a bit more complex, works on several levels and depends on the age. So from ours. And you’re already poking around in the fog.

Rough rule of thumb first

Five years older always works.
Ten years older goes to 30 always and then slowly becomes a matter of taste.
20 years older becomes at the latest starting from 20 clear taste thing.

A matter of taste is value-free

And “always goes” changes its meaning with age. Still ours. Because: You have to try to beam yourself into such an 18-year-old. With a little luck, he just swapped his spots for a little bit of beard. Probably one of them isn’t really, really gone yet, and the other one isn’t really, really there. Which in total results in a lot of sebum on his face.

Probably he already had some sex, but with a bit of bad luck he hasn’t had it yet. And if he already had sex, we probably also talk about a lucky strike – he already had a charisma that was sovereign/net/convinced/attractive/cool/sweet enough to please you. But he doesn’t know exactly what he did right for it now (he doesn’t really know later either, but maybe a little bit more).

So he is usually still half-finished. And still about two years behind you in development. And if, because he matured earlier, he has already opened up, he can usually still remember the feeling of being behind. Ergo: shy.

And now he’s standing there, trying to smoke confidently and drink beer from the bottle, and he’s looking at this woman who towers over him in sexual and life experience. Yes, what do you mean?! She radiates that after all. And how. And in such an unequal relationship even more. She would also be so “hot as a rat” (maybe you have to use the word more often again!). But it is of course more. It would be, if it actually took him with it, the absolute, pure assurance of his near or possibly even already completed maturity. The final proof: the boys’ league is over – from here on men’s tennis, bitches!

The principle works loosely for a few years

And yes, there may already be traces of “The Reader”. “Passivity and existence as a willing subject” – for my sake. Besides, there’s really something to learn from such a rat-sharp (yes, you have to use it more often again) mid-thirties. But the coming-of-age element is bigger. So that would be the 18-year-old. And actually, with the greater experience we are looking for in older women, this can also be raised to a higher age group. Only with a different background. Experience makes everything easier. Or better: more experienced. Especially in interpersonal relationships.

And there above all the non-binding: “I know the combination of young type and older woman more from affairs than from long-term relationships,” you wrote. I think the observation is true. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence. Probably, when we are a little older, we usually look for noncommitment in an older woman. Because it seems less complicated. Because the codes are clearer. At least we think so. At 35 you know that not every barflirt has to become a relationship immediately. And you are not afraid to say that clearly.

And when you’re 40, let’s hope you’re not looking for a child’s father when you’re picking up a 25-year-old. But fun. And fun is great. “The older the berry, the sweeter the juice”, raps the more prolific brother from “The Empire” about his Cougar girlfriend (played by Naomi Campbell). Experience. Routine. Fun. Fun. We want that at least once. We want to believe that at least.

Of course we are only in the cosmos “Bars and smoking and bottled beer and stuff”. Correct relationships are something completely different again. We’d have to negotiate them separately again. But you don’t necessarily want to marry Bill Murray, do you?